Lil' Timmy is like all of us. White, Anglo-Saxon in origin, Lil' Timmy was born to Upper Middle Class parents living in Suburbia, USA. His life is typical for any 11 year old boy. He's in 5th grade, makes high marks, and stands out in sports.......................................
One night, not so long ago (say that to yourself just like Bon Jovi does at the beginning of "Living on a Prayer"), Lil' Timmy was laying in bed. He has a hard time sleeping and tries to put himself to sleep by "running under the covers". Lil' Timmy lifts his blanket over his head and begins running. The static charge from his flannel pajamas brings a soundless lightning storm that only Lil' Timmy will see. After a few minutes of amazement, he stops and tries to fall asleep.
For some reason, Lil' Timmy can't muster any zzzzzzzzzzzzz'ssssss this evening. "Maybe I'll listen to some music on my iPod", he quietly thinks outloud. Finding a selection that suits him, he puts his earphones in and closes his eyes. Suddenly, a bright light hits Lil' Timmy's face. "Son, you need to put up the iPod and get some rest", his father says in a perturbed but not overly angry manner. "Your mother is trying to sleep and we can both hear you singing." "Sorry dad", says Timmy. His father closes the door and Timmy's room falls back into darkness.
Lil' Timmy, still restless, begins focusing on items laying around the room as his eyes readjust to the dark. He keeps the iPod rockin', but makes sure not to sing out loud again.
"WWWhhhermpppppppppp!!" "Ew-weee! That was stinky!", Lil' Timmy thinks to himself as he lifts the covers over his head to get the full effect. A few minutes pass and Lil' Timmy feels another poot coming on. He reaches his hand downward and cups it over his anus. "Feewwhherrmmpp". He poots again and like his hero, Terrell Owens, he reels it in. "Oh my God!! It's like someone put an invisible fish filet from Captain D's in my palm", Timmy thinks to himself and then quietly chuckles out loud.
Another poot, and Timmy repeats his last effort. This one is as powerful as the last, but Lil' Timmy is now growing tired of his new game, but unfortunately, sleep still evades him.
"I wonder what would happen if I put my finger in my butt and farted?", Timmy thought. Bending his knees and positioning himself much like a birthing mother, Timmy lowers his hand down to his anus once again. He slowly begins pushing his precious, little starfruit with his middle finger. "That feels wierd". Egging himself on, he applies a constantly growing pressure to his butthole until...........his finger slides in an inch short of his knuckle.
To find out what happens to Lil' Timmy and experience his growth with him, check back for updates. Subsequent chapters will be titled "Chapter 2a, 2b, 2c, etc".
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Opel, This Week in Time
Greetings,
I still have that novella coming, I just don't want to start on it and not be 100% focused. So, Ann and Scott (the only people who read my shit), don't get discouraged. It's still brewing and will be magnificent.
Here's what's going on in Opie Land:
Yesterday:
8:50 a.m.- Got a wisdom tooth and a molar yanked from my head. The wisdom tooth had been killing me for a week, and I was afraid if I got on a plane later this month with it still in my head, I'd probably have a stroke and die on liftoff. So, out it came. Note: It was the first time I've ever legally had Nitrous. Pretty fun. Now, I'm just freaked out about "Dry Socket", but at least no more tooth/jaw/face pain.
1 p.m.- Stopped in the Athens Antique Mall on Atlanta Hwy near the Pepsi Plant/78. This place is not often hit by the under 50 crowd, and I've scored some great finds in the past. I once bought a complete 60's Pearl Drum kit there for $19.00. Yesterday, I found some classic Athens Memorabilia that would be of particular interest to Jason. I scored 3- #4 Tasty World Magazine (Pre-Flagpole Athens Music Mag) with a Stipe interview, in fact, Stipe is listed as a writer in their Staff Page. Also, in that stack, there was a 1988 Red and Black entertainment issue with a feature on the R.E.M. band and how they're being seen on MTV now (The One I Love, End of the World as We Know It). Got all four for $8. Jason, I'll sell you a copy of Tasty World and The Red and Black issues for $100.
2:30 p.m.- Bought my first rifle. Had Scott not started blogging Pro-Gun Propaganda, I'm sure the wife would have never gone for it. So Scott, thanks. Got the gun home, opened a box of ammo................AND..........YIKES. I had no idea that the size of a 30-30 round is as big as a baby's leg. I bought the gun, in hopes of having something to go on the farm across the street with and shoot logs and squirrels and such. I'm a little more cautious seeing the fire power I now have. So much for varmin shooting. I'd be afraid to aim it at a squirrel in a tree, miss, and have this huge chunk of lead hit a home/baby/redneck 2 miles away. So, maybe I will save up for the Henry Golden Boy so I have something fun to shoot in the neighborhood.
4 p.m.- took my first legal Lortab. Not a big fan of pills. Made me feel wierd.
7:30 p.m.- Signed a lease for our rental house at 212 Jefferson River Road. The couple who are renting it currently live at 405 Buena Vista Ave (Dave and I's old manor). Their neighbors two doors down are who we bought our house (where we live) from and their all friends. That circle of Athens.
8 p.m- Watched a few episodes of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" online. Man, I love that show. Freakin' funniest/best show on tv since Arrested Development.
10 p.m.- Went to bed
Today:
7 a.m.- woke up
8 a.m- Christina started screaming obsenities at me and the dogs after we all got on the bed while she was trying to sleep. I was only there to tell her that today we celebrate our one year anniversary of having our precious, Ruby. Ruby (aka Rubles, Lil' Girl, Ruba-buba-luba-li, Monster) is our 14 month old Golden Retriever. It's amazing to me that a) we've had her a year and b) she was 2 months old and 13 pounds this time last year. She's now 65 pounds. She has a very different demeanor than Thurston had. She likes the tennis ball okay, but not even on the same planet as Thurston's love for the ball. She was very bitey, but now has become very lickey. She leaps straight up in the air when she's hungry and will "CHOMP" her mouth mid flight. I call it "The Flying Guillotine". Great doggy and we love her very much. She loves Westie (our 4 yr. old Golden Chowtriever) more than anything in the world. She licks, nibbles, and tries to play with him 24/7.
8:30 a.m.- Went to work
12:30 p.m.- Went to make a bid on a job. Also stopped at the bank. Also stopped at a rental to take pics for its Craigslist ad.
1:45 p.m.- Back at work, painted some old fart's bedroom. Mrs. Fincher, whose house we are remodeling, told me that I am "the nicest person she has ever met in her whole life". I told her that was a pretty bold statement, but I accept her compliment.
3:30 p.m- Left work. Went home to change clothes.
4 p.m.- Went to Tasty World (The club which got its name from the previous mentioned magazine) to interview for the open spot as their new Booking Agent. Murphy, the owner, and I have been casual friends for many years. He was super excited to see me and said he thought I'd be perfect for the position. He has a few more interviews, but said he wanted to offer it to me right there. So, I have to wait till he's done interviewing to find out for sure, but he definately gave me good hope. It's a two day a week slot, but would add a little variety to my life. I definately won't get rich doing it, but sounds pretty cool.
5 p.m.- Stopped by my storage space and rounded up a selection of Solex Carburetors for old VW's. I found a guy near me (On craiglis') that rebuilds them. He's gonna rebuild a few for me in exchange for my extras. Sounds bland, but a well rebuilt VW carb is a thing of beauty and I'm super psyched.
6 p.m. - Uploaded pics of the rental house onto Craigslist, sent out a few emails, and started on this jazz and here we are..........7 p.m.
I still have that novella coming, I just don't want to start on it and not be 100% focused. So, Ann and Scott (the only people who read my shit), don't get discouraged. It's still brewing and will be magnificent.
Here's what's going on in Opie Land:
Yesterday:
8:50 a.m.- Got a wisdom tooth and a molar yanked from my head. The wisdom tooth had been killing me for a week, and I was afraid if I got on a plane later this month with it still in my head, I'd probably have a stroke and die on liftoff. So, out it came. Note: It was the first time I've ever legally had Nitrous. Pretty fun. Now, I'm just freaked out about "Dry Socket", but at least no more tooth/jaw/face pain.
1 p.m.- Stopped in the Athens Antique Mall on Atlanta Hwy near the Pepsi Plant/78. This place is not often hit by the under 50 crowd, and I've scored some great finds in the past. I once bought a complete 60's Pearl Drum kit there for $19.00. Yesterday, I found some classic Athens Memorabilia that would be of particular interest to Jason. I scored 3- #4 Tasty World Magazine (Pre-Flagpole Athens Music Mag) with a Stipe interview, in fact, Stipe is listed as a writer in their Staff Page. Also, in that stack, there was a 1988 Red and Black entertainment issue with a feature on the R.E.M. band and how they're being seen on MTV now (The One I Love, End of the World as We Know It). Got all four for $8. Jason, I'll sell you a copy of Tasty World and The Red and Black issues for $100.
2:30 p.m.- Bought my first rifle. Had Scott not started blogging Pro-Gun Propaganda, I'm sure the wife would have never gone for it. So Scott, thanks. Got the gun home, opened a box of ammo................AND..........YIKES. I had no idea that the size of a 30-30 round is as big as a baby's leg. I bought the gun, in hopes of having something to go on the farm across the street with and shoot logs and squirrels and such. I'm a little more cautious seeing the fire power I now have. So much for varmin shooting. I'd be afraid to aim it at a squirrel in a tree, miss, and have this huge chunk of lead hit a home/baby/redneck 2 miles away. So, maybe I will save up for the Henry Golden Boy so I have something fun to shoot in the neighborhood.
4 p.m.- took my first legal Lortab. Not a big fan of pills. Made me feel wierd.
7:30 p.m.- Signed a lease for our rental house at 212 Jefferson River Road. The couple who are renting it currently live at 405 Buena Vista Ave (Dave and I's old manor). Their neighbors two doors down are who we bought our house (where we live) from and their all friends. That circle of Athens.
8 p.m- Watched a few episodes of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" online. Man, I love that show. Freakin' funniest/best show on tv since Arrested Development.
10 p.m.- Went to bed
Today:
7 a.m.- woke up
8 a.m- Christina started screaming obsenities at me and the dogs after we all got on the bed while she was trying to sleep. I was only there to tell her that today we celebrate our one year anniversary of having our precious, Ruby. Ruby (aka Rubles, Lil' Girl, Ruba-buba-luba-li, Monster) is our 14 month old Golden Retriever. It's amazing to me that a) we've had her a year and b) she was 2 months old and 13 pounds this time last year. She's now 65 pounds. She has a very different demeanor than Thurston had. She likes the tennis ball okay, but not even on the same planet as Thurston's love for the ball. She was very bitey, but now has become very lickey. She leaps straight up in the air when she's hungry and will "CHOMP" her mouth mid flight. I call it "The Flying Guillotine". Great doggy and we love her very much. She loves Westie (our 4 yr. old Golden Chowtriever) more than anything in the world. She licks, nibbles, and tries to play with him 24/7.
8:30 a.m.- Went to work
12:30 p.m.- Went to make a bid on a job. Also stopped at the bank. Also stopped at a rental to take pics for its Craigslist ad.
1:45 p.m.- Back at work, painted some old fart's bedroom. Mrs. Fincher, whose house we are remodeling, told me that I am "the nicest person she has ever met in her whole life". I told her that was a pretty bold statement, but I accept her compliment.
3:30 p.m- Left work. Went home to change clothes.
4 p.m.- Went to Tasty World (The club which got its name from the previous mentioned magazine) to interview for the open spot as their new Booking Agent. Murphy, the owner, and I have been casual friends for many years. He was super excited to see me and said he thought I'd be perfect for the position. He has a few more interviews, but said he wanted to offer it to me right there. So, I have to wait till he's done interviewing to find out for sure, but he definately gave me good hope. It's a two day a week slot, but would add a little variety to my life. I definately won't get rich doing it, but sounds pretty cool.
5 p.m.- Stopped by my storage space and rounded up a selection of Solex Carburetors for old VW's. I found a guy near me (On craiglis') that rebuilds them. He's gonna rebuild a few for me in exchange for my extras. Sounds bland, but a well rebuilt VW carb is a thing of beauty and I'm super psyched.
6 p.m. - Uploaded pics of the rental house onto Craigslist, sent out a few emails, and started on this jazz and here we are..........7 p.m.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
